Wait, the summer season has started? Good thing I don’t have to watch any anime to know how they’ll all be! After my more thorough attempt last time, I came to the realization that all you pretty much need to attempt to gauge an anime is the preview picture and a title. So that’s pretty much all I’ll do here.
If anyone missed my last post, I’ll just quickly summarize the idea here. There’s a lot of anime airing each season, and trying to keep up with a bunch of shows for several episodes just to give them a chance takes way too much effort for douchebags like me. So, instead, I’m going to go ahead and completely judge the Summer 2014 anime season using (nominally) no more information than just the preview art and the picture. With just those two pieces of information, I’ll attempt to completely predict the plot of each of the shows, their respective genres, and comment about whether they’re probably worth watching. If this actually works reasonably well, expect to see this kind of segment continued every season.
Oh – it also seems like Rebecca wants in on this judgmental anime action. ALRIGHT THEN – THIS IS A JOINT POST NOW BITCHES.
READY TO HEAR SOME OPINIONS? LET’S DO THIS.
ALSO, WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE SHITTY PICTURE QUALITY BUT WE DON’T REALLY CARE ENOUGH TO LOOK HARDER THAN ANICHART.
We also list our opinions of the show (including background knowledge) and whether or not we’ll watch it underneath each impression. No specials or anything included, which means Sailor Moon (which is grouped there) wasn’t included, although we plan to watch it.
Akame ga Kill!
This show will probably be hyper violent and due to all the boobs probably a harem show. The setting suggests that the characters are going to be fighting some sort of ‘ancient evil’ and that they are possibly part of an organization that has spent centuries trying to fight this evil. The man on the right is clearly the leader or some sort of mentor figure and his super sexy hairstyle suggests a ridiculous nature to the show. There will probably be battle girls with clothes being ripped off and well timed partial nudity. The artwork suggests high production quality, which means whatever it’s being adapted from probably was pretty successful.
Josh: Will watch. This looks like fun!
Rebecca: Not watching. Boobs are boring.
The mass produced homogenous mechas suggest that this is some sort of futuristic military drama. The title is probably some sort of code name for either an organization or an important figure. This doesn’t seem to take place in space, which indicates that it is likely terrestrial-based and takes place on Earth or some other planet in the midst of war or political turmoil.
Josh: Not watching another boring political mecha drama.
Rebecca: Not watching. Mecha’s boring.
Ao Haru Ride
Definitely a shoujo about the relationship between the two. The girl is probably kind of awkward and average and through a chance encounter she meets up with the boy who seems like somewhat of an outcast. They are an unlikely coupling, but they manage to fall in love in spite of coming from different social circles. It’s obviously a drama doesn’t look like any love triangles will be involved. The ‘first love’ theme will be a presence.
Josh: Maybe I’ll give shoujo another shot, but probably not going to watch.
Rebecca: Not watching. Shoujo’s boring.
This is going to be about sexy guys playing rock music. Seems to be a weird juxtaposition between modern and and a weird 70s or 80s vibe. The main plot is probably going to follow a group of hot guys trying to make it as a rock band.
Josh: Probably will watch the first episode. I have a weird soft spot for hot guys.
Rebecca: Not watching. BL is boring.
Judging by the art style and color scheme, this show appears to be game-based and probably targeted toward women. (Note the fluffy mascot.) Clearly there is some murder aspect combined with the paranormal central angel figure (he has a subtle halo). Josh also suggested that there could be a time travel element since all the characters look like they come from different eras. The show probably revolves around some sort of survival competition or action packed battle sequences. Undoubtedly there will be lots of DRAMA.
Josh: This looks like a good combination of BL + action so I’ll probably follow this.
Rebecca: Not watching. Fluffy mascots are boring.
Clearly targeted toward men–a show about cute magical girls doing cute, stupid things. This is a second season so the first must have been relatively successful. The characters look fairly cliched–the blonde dumb one, the black haired stoic one, and the silver haired troublemaker. There’s going to be a lot of fanservice for all the creepy lolicons out there. The girls will probably have to save the world from some evil thing, but there won’t be much plot past that.
Josh: Ok I am a fan of the Fate franchise so I’ll have to subject myself to this monstrosity.
Rebecca: Not watching. Little girls are boring.
Free! Eternal Summer
A bunch of hot guys swimming. They fill all the basic bishonen stereotypes. Four guys will be on the same swim team and then there’s the obvious odd one out in a different swim jacket. They’ll probably compete in a really melodramatic swimming competition filled with bromance and subtle BL overtones.
Josh: Free second season? Sign me up!
Rebecca: Not watching. Swimming is boring.
Futsuu no Joshikousei ga [Locodol] Yatte Mita
Another show targeted toward men with clear garter belt fanservice. Looks like an idol type show detailing the misadventures of cute girls doing cute things. Maybe idols for some town associated with fishing. This will probably be about the two girls trying to cheer on and represent the town rather than being part of an idol group and performing.
Josh: This’ll probably be a lackluster show. Not watching.
Rebecca: Not watching. Fish are boring.
Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun
Aspiring/existing manga artist in high school ends up in several awkward situations with the featured girl and eventually they fall in love. Definitely a rom-com. The girl will be standard go-getter type–the active part of the romance will be on her end. The guy will probably respond to her antics, but will mainly be dense as a brick or always rejects the girl in some witty manner.
Josh: I like rom coms! I’ll probably watch this.
Rebecca: Not watching. People are boring.
Show about a bunch of people who meet and all join a club or organization together. This has to take place in spring or early summer judging by the green background. This has to take place during some vacation or weekends. Standard three guy and three girl configuration with ensuing relationship drama. Girls from left to right: Innocent, Intelligent, Bubble brain. Guys from left to right: Overseer, Active/Annoying, Nice guy. This has something to do with glass, maybe glassblowing?
Josh: Oh god, I don’t know if I can take another club melodrama. I might pick it up if other people find it good, otherwise not watching.
Rebecca: Not watching. Clubs are boring.
Definitely targeted toward men with plenty of fanservice. The girl on the cover is teasing the viewer, suggesting a coy personality. Her arm is bandaged, which indicates some sort of accident or fight. A snarky romcom most likely where the guy is led on and teased by the girl.
Josh: I love SHAFT. Sign me up for more head tilts!
Rebecca: Not watching. Josh is boring.
This is going to be cute girls doing cute things involving flowers. Looks like three school girls meet up with two flower spirits who teach them things about flowers…or something. The girl in the middle will be the main character with her two school friends. The girls in front are probably flower spirits. Slice of life type show.
Josh: I don’t want to watch a bunch of cute girls with flowers.
Rebecca: Not watching. Colors are boring.
Romantic show centered around the girl. Probably targeted toward men. Fanservice is likely. Not much else to say the cover is pretty bland.
Josh: There is nothing I can peg about this show. Not gonna watch it.
Rebecca: Not watching. Boring is boring.
Kuroshitsuji: Book of Circus
This is going to be weird. Involves a circus, but that will probably be more of theme/aesthetic if anything. Definitely something supernatural going on. A lot of characters–a big cast indicates an extensive overarching plot. There will be a lot of enemies with magical powers that the protag et al will have to fight. It looks creepy.
Josh: Haven’t seen the first season, not going to start with the second.
Rebecca: Eh. I’ll have to look at the reviews first.
Going to be a full on BL show. Very clear uke and seme. Not an in school romance, but they could be school-aged.
Josh: I love cute guys, but probably won’t watch this.
Rebecca: Not watching. Gender bending is boring.
Witch/magical girl show. The guy in the background is some sort of friend or older sibling. The girl is causing trouble for the guy in the background, leading to humorous situations. The style of the title indicates that this show will be aimed at a normal audience, but will be more comedic rather than fanservice based.
Josh: Not feeling like watching slapstick comedy right now so probably not going to pick this up unless it’s really good.
Rebecca: Not watching. Witches are boring.
A show about little girl performers that is probably targeted toward kids.
Josh: Yea, no.
Rebecca: Not watching. Boots are boring.
Momo Kyun Sword
Fighter chicks, big boobs on opposing sides of a cliched conflict. Looks like there are a bunch of characters most of whom probably are well endowed or super buff.
Josh: Fuck it, I’m probably going to watch at least the first episode.
Rebecca: Not watching. Cliches are boring.
Another historical adaptation where Nobunaga is a composer. Looks like it’s going to be a drama aimed at an older female audience. (Josei) The drama will probably stem from parallels with Nobunaga’s life including intrigue and betrayal.
Josh: I generally am pretty nice about these adaptations, but this doesn’t look like it’s my thing.
Rebecca: Not watching. Concertos are boring.
Persona 4 The Golden Animation
Video game adaptation. A lot of characters are involved. The game must be popular enough that they need to highlight the title instead of the characters. Decently good plot. Looks shiny I want to touch it.
Josh: I haven’t played the video game so probably not.
Rebecca: Not watching. Feet are boring.
Psycho-Pass New Edit Version
This is easy. Dark, futuristic, crime thriller. Strong female protag who is probably some sort of law enforcement. There will be dark philosophical/ethical questions surrounding our relationship with technology and crime. There is going to be hope here since the city doesn’t look intimidating and dystopian.
Josh: I’ll probably watch the remake.
Rebecca: Not re-watching. Too much effort.
Another idol show. Cute girls doing cute things on stage. Targeted toward hardcore idol fans. Probably based on some mascot characters.
Josh: Idols are not totally my thing. Probably not.
Rebecca: Josh is not totally my thing. Probably not.
It’ll probably be a bunch of crazy antics revolving around railroad police. The guy in front will be the main love interest for both girls and the guy in the back will be the pervy best friend who makes boob jokes all the time. The show looks like there will be some thematic story arcs, but it’ll be generally lighthearted.
Josh: Fuck yes.
Rebecca: I don’t have a train fetish.
Some sort of dark actiony show. The two in the front are probably siblings with the guy in the middle as a sort of rebel or outcast. The guy with white hair is the leader and the little girl suffers from icy rage. Maybe they’re superheroes or have something that the antagonist wants. The white shadows are either stylistic or thematic. Overall this show will be cynical and dramatic.
Josh: I might pick it up if I hear good things, but at the moment, no.
Rebecca: If I want angst I’ll go spend time in a high school bathroom.
Rokujouma no Shinryakusha!?
Look it’s a harem! Probably a LN adaptation. Looks like our protag is going to find some sort of alien artifact that connects him with a bunch of girls. He will then have to work with them to save the world or something. Girls cover all the trope bases.
Rebecca: …too many boobs.
This show will probably be a ridiculous action show. Strange combination of slice of life and action in a bizarre setting. The girl and her platypus? sidekick will defeat baddies who will all be crazy. She’s probably got a screw missing somewhere.
Josh: This looks crazy enough to be interesting. Will watch.
Rebecca: My freshman roommate had a weird thing about platypuses. Too much PTSD.
Seirei Tsukai no Blade Dance
Warrior girls with huge boobs! FANSERVICE. ECCHI. Main protag will be in a harem with all the girls.
Josh: Fuck it, I’m also gonna watch the first episode of this show. I’m such a sucker.
Rebecca: I’m not a sucker.
Sengoku Basara Judge End
SO MUCH TESTOSTERONE. A really manly version of the Warring States period. A lot of muscles and shirtless guys shouting inane things at each other while wielding massive weapons.
Josh: Please give me more manliness in my manly war.
Rebecca: Please give me more manliness in my bed.
Shirogane no Ishi: Argevollen
Dramatic mecha show. Love triangle between cover characters. The mecha will probably be individualized and the show will be heavy on the melodrama rather than politically charged. Girl in the middle will end up in damsel in distress situations on several occasions, probably has a secret power that an enemy organization wants to abuse.
Josh: I might as well watch Valvrave.
Shounen Hollywood- Holly Stage for 49
Pretty boys sing songs.
Josh: I like pretty boys so this gets the first episode.
Space Dandy 2
This show is going to be ridiculous. Definitely a retro manliness to the main character. Gigantic cast, but not a serious show. Seems to take place in outer space in a futuristic world that doesn’t take itself seriously. Main character probably has a knack for getting into trouble. Weird, episodic slice of life comedy with some overarching arcs and a few recurring characters. Also a second season so characters are probably carried over. Show based on character interactions rather than plot.
Josh: Space Dandy is a dandy guy in space.
Rebecca: If he opens his mouth any wider his brain might fall out.
Sword Art Online II
This is an action show with guns and shooting as an integral part of the world. Takes place in some sort of scifi cyber world. The two girls will be assistants/love interests to the main character. Male targeted show due to female presence/poses on cover. The two girls and the protag will be part of some specialized unit designed to defeat the main boss. A followup to a successful first season although this doesn’t look like swords, indicating a change in setting, with the same main characters.
Josh: I actually unironically like SAO (parts of it) so I’m excited for this season.
Rebecca: I actually unironically like shows that don’t suck.
The girl has magical superpowers, probably targeted toward men judging by boob prominence and short-shorts. She will go around Tokyo and protect people using her psychic abilities. She will have an eclectic group of allies/followers who will assist her in her mission.
Josh: This just looks weird. Maybe one episode?
Rebecca: One episode if Josh’ll give me a back massage.
Super grimdark–comically dark. The main protag is either half ghoul or he summons and forms a contract/bond with one. He is going to be defeating some nebulous group of supernatural enemies. Probably vampires or demons. Tokyo is going to be overrun with evil creatures and demolished. The main protag will attempt to restore order there will probably be ethical questions about his being or his contract. The show will be bloody and violent, but probably not too gory.
Josh: Grimdark and paranormal? Sign me up!
Rebecca: Hmm. Maybe. Depends on if the plot (I DO NOT MEAN BOOBS) is good.
This is either post apocalyptic or post disaster. This is going to be a drama with a possible love triangle. The show probably centers on escaping from the wreckage. The guy on the right is smiling, which indicates possible involvement in the disaster. Thriller/melodrama about surviving the aftermath and figuring out what happened.
Josh: Definitely interested, especially considering I watched the first two episodes already.
Rebecca: Meh. Probably not.
Josh will be watching: Zankyou no Terror, Tokyo Ghoul, SAO II, Space Dandy 2, Sengoku Basara Judge End, Sabagebu!, Rokujouma no Shinryakusha!?, Rail Wars, Psycho Pass, Hanamonogatari, Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun, Free! Eternal Summer, Fate/Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya 2wei!, DRAMAtical murder, Akame ga Kill!
Rebecca will be watching: Nothing. I hate everything. Only kidding. Tokyo Ghoul, Sailor Moon Reboot, and maybe Kuroshitsuji: Book of Circus.