Seeing as it’s almost the end of the year and I’m a bit burnt out after a catastrophic final exam (8 mini essays in 3 hours=never again), I thought I’d get all touchy feely with you guys and talk about my feelings haha. This is also my way of getting out of doing analytical writing since I don’t have the capacity for it tonight.
So as many of you guys know, those who have been following us for a while anyway, I haven’t been blogging for that long, only about 7 or 8 months at this point, but I feel like I’ve really grown since my first post and I wanted to thank you guys for sticking with me for the ride. Hopefully it hasn’t been too tedious ;). Blogging has been an interesting outlet for me in terms of writing and expressing myself. I’m not sure if I shared this before, but I used to write fantasy novels as a hobby (none published) and was going to be a creative writing major. Going into college I was super set on this and convinced that I was going to be the next great fantasy novelist (aren’t we all at some point?).
Then about halfway through my freshman year after my third round of query letters and millionth round of edits, I decided I was done. Writing was making me unhappy and I couldn’t do it anymore without wanting to drive a bullet through everything I wrote. When it got to the point that I would just stare at the computer screen, write a paragraph and then delete it over and over again I knew that it was time for me to stop, or at the very least take a break. This was an excruciating transition for me. I had built myself around my writing–I had made it my identity because I was so convinced that I was one of the lucky ones who found their passion at an early age and stuck with it for ages (I wrote my first novel when I was eleven!) Unfortunately, starting so young meant that I also got burnt out quickly.
It was like a bad breakup. For a while afterwards I wanted nothing to do with writing. I switched my major to environmental studies, even though I knew I wouldn’t be happy with that either, and tried to put the entire thing behind me. That’s where blogging came in. Even while trying to doff writing completely, I was still writing on this blog. At times it was like pulling teeth and I remember on several occasions Josh nagging me to finish a post I’d been dawdling on and me being apathetic about writing it and getting frustrated at my writer’s
concrete wall block. However, I’ve kept at it. It helps to have a schedule and to have something to write about, that way I don’t have to constantly fight with my creative ideas. Blogging about anime is a bit more tame, and I think it has really helped me get my thoughts together in a more streamlined manner than they ever were before.
That being said, I still have mixed feelings about writing, but I don’t regret the blogging. I feel like it keeps me in the world just enough that I won’t be completely out of my depth if and when I decide to go back to writing seriously. Sometimes I get little twitchy urges to jot something down, but for now that’s about it. I don’t have my incessant cravings to sit down and pound out ten pages of a novel anymore, and maybe I won’t again. I’d like to think that I’ll go back to writing fiction again one day–I know I still have the capacity to do so any time the desire strikes. For now though, I’ll keep blogging in the hopes that one day it’ll turn back into something more, but if it doesn’t that’s okay too. Thank you all for putting up with my rants and ramblings, it really means a lot to me that people actually read what I have to say.